kernels of hope

lately, it seems like everyone is feeling run down, overwhelmed, exhausted, unsettled. so many of us have been put through a physical, mental or emotional ringer - or maybe some combination of the three. we are all using everything we’ve got just to keep it together. the cold is already hard enough but the winter of winter, these last few weeks of this despairing season, can really begin to feel heavy and hopeless. 

and yet… spring has already begun (see my previous blog post for more on that) and all is not lost. there are kernels of hope pushing forward and rising up everywhere. you just have to look. 

i went on a walk on stony run trail after the latest snow fall. the snow so magically calms the chaos. blanketing the disorder with a soft quiet. the cold becomes so sharp and clarifying. things are made crystal clear. against the backdrop of cold snow, i could see signs of spring. kernels of hope. proof of life. tiny buds developing on branches. little leaves shooting out of nodes. springs first foot soldiers, scouting the area for ideal circumstances. sacrificial, maybe. brave, most definitely. 

all this pressure reaches a bursting point eventually. for now, everything and everyone is just trying to keep their shit together, waiting for the right moment. or the final straw. regardless of if you are a tree or a human - change is coming. pressure is rising. it can feel so uncomfortable and exhausting to channel this energy, to hold it, to be with it. to keep yourself together in spite of it. but thats the work in early spring. to let the pressure rise. to let it shake you out of your slumber.

it can feel really defeating and helpless and hopeless but it is not without purpose. for now, nothing is going anywhere. we are all just sitting here about to blow. and yet, as I sit in this darkness, with my own despair, the signs of spring around me keep bringing me to tears. not because they are sad, but because they are beautiful and good.

my patients and students have shared with me so many kernels of hope. so many small wins and beautiful moments bringing more and more light into the dark. can you open your eyes from this winter slumber and start searching for the signs of spring around you? as it continues to unfold, take note of each act of benevolence, each moment of joy. find the buds and shoots. the proof of life. expressions of patience and tenacity. as spring continues to unfold, it will get louder and brighter. but for now, you might need to really look for it… and then you’ll see it everywhere.

by amanda briody